Can you tell I’m spending time with a young child? Talking about a lot the bears. Feeling close.
Everything seems close now. Close to my home. Close to the ground, as I walk the woods. Close to my family, even those not physically close.
How can close feel so so good?
I recall how, before this time, I would quickly feel shut in after spending a certain amount of time indoors.
In the same way, I was concerned about what a limited, crowded area of woods walks there was near here.
And with people? I live alone. I did until March when Ariella came to spend this time with me. Close to Nika and Scott and Cecilia. Close to me.
It’s as if I was claustrophobic and running from whatever, and then told to STOP! No one wants to be told anything, right? So, no no no NO fun was what I anticipated.
And yet, wildly – and this is, yes, months later, looking back – my house feels spacious now. Even calming. Calm, indoors?
And those woods? I’ve discovered trails I never could have imagined. Never would have imagined. If I hadn’t had to stay, yes, close.
And with family? It makes love look like a shallow word. It can’t come close to the all the ways that I’ve felt nurtured and supported.
Admittedly, the larger setting is intensely sad. Outside this narrowly defined world. Yet, that discrepancy seems to only magnify the sense of these gifts for me.
Of being embraced by intimacy.